You’ll See Santa’s Butt On A Lot Of Ugly Christmas Sweaters This Year
For decades, ugly holiday-themed sweaters were a minor part of the Christmas season. They were lovingly lambasted like Grandma’s fruitcake, or eggnog made without liquor.
About a decade ago, companies started making sweaters that added blue humor to the red-and-green color scheme.
For a certain section of the population, these types of ugly Christmas sweaters allow people to simultaneously enjoy the holiday while poking fun at the hullabaloo around it.
Looking for an ugly Christmas sweater that also expresses ugly truths about human behavior in party settings? We got your back.
Santa Butt Crack
Santa is known for his snowy beard, twinkly eyes and — I was going to say rosy cheeks. However, after looking at this sweater,
those cheeks look more like a pasty white.
Santa Alien Anal Probe
is a reminder that all men over 50 should get a colonoscopy — even Santa.
Donald Trump Yuge Christmas
Considering how polarizing Trump is, don’t be surprised if people build a wall around you at the Christmas party if you wear this sweater.
Wear this sweater and you won’t go to a party, the party will come to you. Have to be honest: Having people chuck pingpong balls at you
is going to get old real quick.
Santa Breaks The Internet
This doesn’t show Santa’s butt crack, but his curvaceous body is still the focus of this sweater.
I’m sure Mrs. Claus is proud. So proud.
Please, Hallmark Channel, please feature this sweater in a romantic comedy starring Candace Cameron Bure. Bonus points: If you call the movie “Cornhole Christmas.”
Did you ever wonder what kind of underwear Santa wore? Me neither, but thanks to this sweater
I have an image I can’t get out of my head (shudder).
Yet another butt-baring Santa, this time he’s getting punished
by a very dominant Mrs. Claus. Maybe don’t wear this to Midnight Mass?
This probably seemed a lot funnier
back in the summer before all the allegations and accusations of sexual harassment started. It certainly seems uglier than the other ugly Christmas sweaters.
In recent years, companies have started using ugly Christmas sweaters to promote their product (and maybe a little peace and goodwill). I’m a purist: I want my ugly Christmas sweaters to actually be sweaters, not sweatshirts. Yes, sweaters are itchier, but a holiday sweater’s itchiness is a feature, not a bug. Also, the patterns should cover the entire sweater, not just the middle. Amazingly, the actual Hidden Valley logo
on this sweatshirt seems to be hidden.
Kiss Me Under The Mistletoe
True, this sweater suggests the wearer might be open-minded towards public displays of affection. However, I doubt wearing a mass-produced ugly Christmas sweater that hints none too subtly at oral sex
counts as consent.
The key to a good ugly Christmas sweater is in the details. Seems to me if you’re wearing a sweater that is supposed to be Santa, the chest hair should be white
or gray, not black.
Santa Elf Dual Sweater
This is a really cute sweater
to wear to a Christmas party, provided your partner is somewhat the same height. Be prepared to hear lots of comments like “Where’s Mrs. Claus?” or “Santa’s got a side elf!”
The Generation Gap (A Short Play by David Moye)
Me: “Hey kids! Look at this ugly Christmas sweater!
Kids: “Who is that?”
Me: “What do you mean? That’s Alf!”
My son: “What’s an Alf?”
Me: “He’s a character from an old sitcom. Alf stands for Alien Life Form.”
My daughter: “Huh?” [Goes back to her phone.]
Me: “It was a funny show. Sort of.”
My son: “That’s OK, Dad. You do you.”
Before you immediately click on this link
to purchase this, just remember: There is no way Mick Jagger or Keith Richards would ever wear this. Definitely not Charlie Watts or Ron Wood either. Bill Wyman might, but he’s not in the band anymore.
Gingerbread Man Light Saber Duel
Christmas is supposed to be about love, goodwill and kindness toward your fellow humans, right? So there’s a part of me that wonders what message you send wearing an ugly Christmas sweater that says “Grave Digger”
on it. Oh, it’s the name of a truck? Ah. Thanks for clearing that up.
If this sweatshirt
is any indication of what’s really going on at the North Pole, maybe Santa should focus less on the eight reindeer and more on the 12 steps.
Santa In Jail
This ugly Santa sweater
seems like a natural continuation of what might happen when Santa gets three sheets to the wind.
Throw Me A Bone
Yes, even dogs can join the ugly Christmas sweater
craze. Whether they want to or not is something we won’t know until someone invents a canine communication device. Someone invent that device. Please.